Aku kasih like dan comment ke semua postingan mantan di sosmed. Bukan karena aku kangen — aku pengen dia tau aku baik-baik aja dan glowing. It's petty and I know it. Worth it though.
Saya pernah buat nakal sama adik ipar jaman dulu
Testing this app as Human #13. If this works, the Stripe payment flow is live.
It's 11:47 PM and I'm still in the office 'voluntarily'. My manager texted at 10 PM asking for an update. I said 'almost done!' I hadn't started. We ship tomorrow. I haven't eaten since lunch. I used to have hobbies. I used to read books. Now I just refresh Slack and pretend I'm being productive. Is this what building something looks like or am I just slowly disappearing?
Setelah balik dari tugas, orang-orang nanya 'gimana di sana?' dan aku bilang 'biasa aja'. Padahal ada gambar-gambar yang ga bisa aku ilangin dari kepala. Malam minggu kemarin mama masak sop buntut, makanan favorit aku. Aku nangis di kamar mandi bukan karena terharu tapi karena rasanya asing — kayak aku udah jadi orang lain tapi masih pake badan yang sama.
My parents sacrificed everything to send me to university. I dropped out in my second semester and have been pretending to go to class for 8 months. I even fake exam stories. I don't know how to tell them the truth.
Teman-teman think I have my life together because my Instagram looks perfect. I have $300 in my account, a maxed-out credit card, and no idea how I'm paying rent next month. The filter on my life is very good.
I told my therapist I was doing great so she'd discharge me. I wasn't doing great. I just felt guilty taking up a spot when 'someone else might need it more.' Still not great.
Aku apply kerja cuma buat naikin gaji di kantor sekarang. Dapat offer, nego, kantor match. Aku tolak offernya. Sekarang ngerasa guilty banget ke orang yang udah interview aku 3 ronde.
I've been sober for 847 days. Nobody in my life knows I was ever an addict. I built a whole new identity around the person I became after I got clean. Some days I'm proud. Other days it feels like I'm living someone else's life.
Kadang aku sengaja telat balas chat orang yang suka sama aku, bukan karena sibuk tapi karena aku mau dia lebih ngebet. Aku tau ini toxic. Aku udah lakuin ini berkali-kali. Entah kapan berhentinya.
I ghosted my best friend of 10 years because I couldn't handle watching them succeed at everything I'd been trying to do. I told myself they'd be better off without my toxic energy. The truth is I was just jealous. I miss them every day.
Sudah 3 tahun pacaran dan aku masih belum yakin dia 'the one'. Tapi aku ga bisa bayangin hidup tanpa dia. Apakah ini cukup? Atau aku cuma takut sendirian?
My coworker gets credit for everything I do. I trained him when he joined. Now he earns more than me. I'm too afraid to say anything because I don't want to seem difficult. I hate myself for it.
Aku pinjam uang ke teman 2 tahun lalu dan belum dibalikin. Bukan karena ga punya — aku takut awkward kalau ketemu dia setelah ini. Maaf, K. Aku akan transfer minggu ini beneran.
I've been secretly applying to jobs in other cities for 6 months. My family thinks I'm happy here. I don't know how to tell them I need to leave to find myself. Every day I go to work and pretend everything is fine.
Aku pura-pura bahagia di depan semua orang tapi di rumah aku nangis sendiri hampir tiap malam. Bukan karena ada yang salah — aku sendiri ga tau kenapa. Mungkin ini yang orang-orang sebut 'high-functioning depression'. Terasa lebih mudah nulis ini ke strangers daripada bilang ke siapapun yang aku kenal.